Gerard Butler, Snow White's Granddaughter, & Pumpkin Coffee

I am dating Gerard Butler a la 20 years younger.  He's perfect.  My own prince charming.  He's about to take me on a most precious date when my grandparents, Snow White and Prince Charming, decide to come over to my castle and greet us.  I find this unexpected visit delightful and quite normal despite the fact that my grandparents' physical conditions make them look like a fellow couple in their 20s.  All is right in the world as Snow White and I sip green tea and chat about the most recent books each of us has read while Prince Charming shares advice with young Gerard on being charming and how to treat his lady like the true princess that she is (that would be me!)

All of a sudden, a great gust of wind appeared and darkness fell over the land.  A storm the size of a tsunami came in and a woman that looked like the child of the wicked witch from the west and Regina the evil queen from Once Upon A Time popped up out of nowhere and tried to kill us all.  Fortunately, my Gerard is determined, brave and strong.  He fights off the evil being, saves the world and wins my heart all in the matter of 2 seconds.  He sweeps me off my feet, whisks me away to his castle and we lived happily ever after as king and queen.

Then I hear the sound of a drum and the world starts to shake violently.  I'm suddenly sucked up into the air, and after an exhausting struggle, I realize I'm lying in bed with my alarm going off and vibrating on my night stand.

AHHHH!  I just had the best dream in the entire history of dreams!  After I realized that I was just dreaming, I smashed my head back into my pillow whispering "go back to sleep, go back to sleep, go back to sleep".  Unfortunately, I have never had the ability to finish my dreams.  Stink.  I get up and decide that today is going to be a grand day.  I mean, the fact that I married Gerard Butler and was Snow White and Prince Charming's granddaughter for probably 2 whole minutes is enough to make for the best day ever!

Then I realized I'm not in fantasy land anymore.  I'm in the real world, facing real world problems and learning real world solutions.  UGH.  I don't know how many of you are in a 'growing' stage in life, but I sure am.  Throughout the current changes in my life, I've felt too young, not smart enough, not good enough... I've felt like a loser, failure and like a child playing 'grown-up'.

One day, I was having such a pity party for myself : I hated not feeling in control, like I didn't know anything, like I wasn't Miss Perfect anymore and God totally interrupted my party for one.  He took His glasses off and gently put them on my face.  It was out of nowhere that I was able to see myself like He sees me.  Yes, learning lessons and growing is hard work because God usually shows us something about ourselves that isn't pretty.  It amazes me that just when I think I know myself pretty well, God shows me something else I need to work on.  It's never ending.  But then again, being a Christian should never be ending.


On my way home from work this evening, I heard a song called "He Is With Us".  The lyrics of this song just melted me....

"We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always"

Perfect.  He is with us... always.  Through everything we are going through.

Even though I didn't have the best day ever that I was so sure I was going to have, I ended it with a cup of pumpkin coffee (aka perfection in a cup) and the assurance from my real Hero that I will always be rescued and fought for no matter what challenges in life I may face.  And that, my dears, is my happy ending to today.  Don't ever give up, keep on fighting and going through the struggle because God is waiting for you at the finish line.  He is teaching you because He loves you.  Amen and amen!

Good night, friends!!  And dream crazy dreams!

xoxo Katie <3

I'm A Real {grown-up} Girl!

Just pause for one second.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee or a steaming cup of tea.

Find your favorite chair, and while you're there take a seat.

Because I've got the best story in town.  And I want to share it with you.

My story stars me as the main character and my God as the director.

If you remember my last post (ok maybe it was a couple posts ago) I was royally freaking out about finding a job.  I just couldn't see what God was doing or where God was taking me.  I was getting a little frustrated.  I just wanted to know!  Well, come to find out, God really does see the whole painting when we only see the first layer of paint.

Que the "Duh, Katie.  Everybody knows that" from the audience.

Yeah, well, it's easy to remember that when you're not freaking out about something (even something as small as where you are going to live in the very near and looming future).

The opening scene has me sitting on my big comfy lime green circle chair on a summery Friday night cuddled up in a blanket watching "Hitch" for the first time ever.  (Don't judge me)  During the movie, I hear my phone make the infamous text message tone, and I look to see who has contacted me.  My friend says that she has a friend who is looking to fill a job position at the company she works for.  My friend wants to know if I would be interested in her setting up an interview for me with her friend.

I jump at the chance to interview and get all psyched and prepared to go in for the big day.  I make the three hour trek back to the Chicago land area to interview for this position.  I can't go into all the details otherwise we will be here for five days, but let me just say that GOD PROVIDES!  I had three things on my mind that I constantly prayed about for 6 months when it came to moving back home and my career in general.

Those exact three things were answered during my interview without me even having to ask.

Um, what?

I was offered the job on the spot, and sobbed all the way home from the all-day long interview.  Why did I sob?  Because my heart was overflowing at the goodness and faithfulness of God.

Interview day!

Just wait, my story gets better.

I go back to my short term home, IWU, to finish working at my favorite coffee shop, McConn Coffee Co.  My last day working at McConn is Friday, July 26th.  My first day of my new career is Monday, July 29th.  My fear of going months and months without a job after graduation is now zapped into thin air never to steal one more minute of peaceful slumber from me again.

I arrive at my new workplace starting my life as a working, professional business woman and learn that I get to make my very first business trip six days after my debut.

I'm shaking in my shoes with excitement and terror at the thought of flying alone, getting a hotel, calling for cabs and meeting what seems like a million strangers (soon to be familiar co-workers), navigating myself around a city I've never been to (without getting lost --- Heaven help me), and flying home.

I can do this.  I have confidence in me.  I start my adventure by driving to Midway airport.

Que "I Have Confidence" music:

The lyrics of this song start flowing through my mind...

"What will this day be like?  I wonder.  What will my future be?  I wonder.  It could be so exciting, to be out in the world to be free.  My heart should be wildly rejoicing, oh what's the matter with me?  I've always longed for adventure, to do the things I've never dared.  Now here I'm facing adventure, then why am I so scared?!

A flight all by myself.  What's so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop all these doubts, all these worries.  If I don't I just know I'll turn back."

Yep.  Julie Andrews narrated my whole weekend.  She reminded me to have confidence in myself.  I owe her huge.

Needless to say, I survived my first trip alone.  I didn't get lost.  I actually loved it and decided that I want to travel more often!

Corporate trip #1! 

I think I'm a big girl now.  No more comfort zone living.  I have been stepping out of my comfort zone for the past two weeks and God has been with me every single second.  During the sermon I listened to this morning, I was reminded that when we pray, God is right next to us.  The General of the Heavenly Host is standing right next to us whispering in our ears and hearts, "I'm right here.  Let's go do this.  We can conquer anything.  I'm on your side and will fight right next to you".

I don't know about you, but when I need to fight against doubt, fear, lies and oppression, I'm super glad and relieved that my God will be right next to me.  He will answer my prayers, provide in ways I never could have imagined and love me no matter what.

Now that my story is coming to an end, I just want to leave you with this reminder....

When God holds the pen to YOUR story, the plot changes and changes, but He remains constant and stable.  Trust and believe in God.  Sometimes it's hard and not fun, but trust me friend.  It's way worth it when He shows more of the painting He is working that is called Your Life.  He will answer your prayers, provide in ways you never could have imagined and love you no matter what.

Sleep well, dream big dream, and trust that God has your life in the tender palm of His mighty hand!

Monster's {YOU}niversity

Twelve years ago, I was sitting in a big red chair with a small bag of popcorn on my lap, my feet barely touching the ground of the movie theater, and my legs swinging in impatient anticipation.  Let me tell you, this movie was the talk of the summer.  Humor, monsters, Disney and Pixar combined...  My ten year old mind almost burst with excitement as family and friends waited for the lights to dim and the previews to start.  Monsters, Inc. was going to be awesome! 

I remember as the opening credits came on all the way until the closing credits came on feeling and looking something like this:

 I. Loved. That. Movie.

So, naturally after going through twelve years of life -- all the way through junior high, high school and college -- when I found out there was a Monsters, Inc. II coming out, my ten-year-old heart jumped in excitement and joy.  Finally!  Get out of the way kids, I've been waiting twelve years for this!  You better believe I was first in line; these kids just wouldn't understand.

Being one of the oldest in the theater without a child as my excuse of paying to see a G rated movie, my 22-year-old mind digested the movie a bit differently than my 10-year-old mind did.  This movie was awesome!  Because life had thrown me some minor curve balls during those 12 years in between movies, I was able to watch the movie with an objective mind and relate to it quite well. 

You see, I just graduated from college.  It was only three years ago that I had the same feelings that Mike Wazowski and James Sullivan felt during the movie. 

Will I fit in?

What if I fail?

I have to prove myself to everyone I encounter!

Et cetera . Et cetera. Et cetera.

I left the theater feeling so motivated and inspired to follow my dreams.  There have been plenty of people who have told me that I can't do something, leaving me feeling even more stubborn and determined to prove them wrong.  But even though I put on that facade in front of the nay-sayers and scooby-don'ts, it's still discouraging to hear someone tell me to my face that I can't accomplish a certain dream of mine.

Granted, there are only three people (four including God) in this whole world who know what I truly wish to accomplish with my life.  I've been blessed, or cursed... depends on how you look at it, with a dreamer-like personality.  I can literally sit in my room and dream and scheme for HOURS about what I'm going to do with my life, how it's going to look and all the in between stuff.  It's a blessing because when I'm bored (which happens a lot), I find something new to do.  It's a curse because I sometimes overwhelm myself with my imagination --- I don't know where to start!!  I can do anything I want, which results in me telling people that I have no idea what I want.  It's because I want it ALL!  

*Spoiler Alert* Mike Wazowski faced failure and rejection at almost every point in his life.  He wasn't scary, he was forgotten and destined to be anything BUT a "scarer".  Even the Dean of the Scare School told Mike he wasn't cut out to be a "scarer", that he didn't belong at Monsters University.  How devastating. But that just pushed him to work harder and prove to himself and everyone else that he could do what he always dreamed of, what he was passionate about.  He always stood up for himself and the underdog, because he understood what it meant to be an underdog.  James Sullivan was popular, scary and outgoing.  People expected him to be a great "scarer" --- he didn't even have to try. 

Throughout the whole movie, Sully learns what it's like to stand up for other people and to do the right thing.  He got kicked out of the fraternity he was in because Mike out (book) smarted him during his final.  Although Mike and Sully are enemies for a good portion of the movie --- always competing and never working together --- they learn to work as a team, accomplishing the same goal: to get back into the scare program. 

It just warmed my heart to see a solid movie with valuable life lessons being shown.  Even this 22-year-old college graduate learned something from this movie: Never back down.  Never give up.  Believe in yourself.  Believe in others.  Do good.  Live life to the fullest.  Be you.

So folks, I don't know about you, but I'm going to start RIGHT NOW pursuing and living my dream.  Those three people in my life will just have to keep me accountable.  Who knows, maybe you all will know what my dream is soon!

Following my dream,

Kate
 

When I grow up, I wanna be...

Lately there have been many days where I find myself sitting on the couch staring at the wall thinking about life.  Totally lost in thought, I spend hours just rabbit-trailing down paths and imagining scenarios that may never even happen.  Let me give you a glimpse into my mind: I'm in the middle of a book titled 48 Days To The Work You Love.  This book is good for many reasons, but the main reason why I love it is because it forces me to think about what I'm good at.  While I'm reading this, I'm imagining myself being a famous author, wealthy businesswoman, heck, even a dentist.  (Have I gone to med school? NO.  Did I pass any of my science classes? BARELY.)  But I still imagine it, because I like to give things a try, and I believe that I can do anything.

Ironically, the last post I made was all about my college experience and how graduating was simply awesome.  But now I'm thinking that I just want to do what I'm good at, not what I learned in a classroom.  Yes, I have quite a bit of unforgettable knowledge thanks to my professors, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm suppossed to be doing more with my life than just making ends meet and living a so-so life.  I want to do more!  But the question now is, "What?!'  What is it that I'm supossed to do?  I have no idea.

Remember in middle school when your teacher would have you take out a piece of paper and have you write down at least five things you thought you were good at --- five talents you believed you possessed?  For me that was always hard.  I would turn to my best friend and ask her what talents I had.  I couldn't see what she saw.  It was always easier for me to write down what talents other people had.

Now, 15 some years later, this book is forcing me to look objectively at myself and pick out what talents I have.  This is awesome, because the more I do it, the more I learn about what I like to do and what I'm good at!  I have learned that I can create a career out of things that I love to do and be happy.  I don't have to be a part of a cookie-cutter society and follow everyone else.  I've never been one to follow the crowd.  The thought of having to join a corporation because it's the predictable thing to do makes me not want to do it.  (But that just may be the ignorance speaking...)

Talking with six or seven year-olds, they all know what they want to do with their lives.  (Or at least have an idea).  Cashier, hairstylist, grocery bagger.  These are all occupations that I hear little ones say they want to be.  When asked why they say, "Because I like scanning items", "Because I like counting money" "Because I like making people look good" "Because I like organizing" --- responses that tell of what talents they have.  They pick these professions because it's all they know at that stage in life.  It's what they like... what they are interested in.

Why can't I be more like a seven year old?  They don't care about the societal position of their job; they claim their position with pride because they want to do what they like.  I don't want to hate my job.  I want to wake up excited to go to work.  I want to enjoy the life that God gave me.  That's why it's taken me so long to figure out what I'm going to do now.  I may not have all of the answers, but one I thing I know for sure:

When I grow up...

I don't want to be what other people expect me to be.

I don't want to be living another person's dream.

I want to live my dream and use the talents God gave me for His purpose.

Whether that be running my own business, working for a small company or even a big one.  Who knows?!  It's all a question mark right now, but at least I know one thing.  Nobody can tell me what or who I'm suppossed to be anymore.

When I grow up, I wanna be me.

A Moment In Time

Graduation.  

For me that word holds many meanings: accomplishment, hard-work, investments, CELEBRATION, good-byes, tears, happiness, sadness...

The list could go on for quite some time, but I would rather not bore you right away.  April 27, 2013 will be a day I will always remember.  I had two goals that day: to walk across that stage without tripping OR crying.  

That morning could have started off extremely bad.  I must have forgotten to set my alarm because it never went off.  I was to meet my family at 8am for breakfast in our Student Center, and I woke up at 7:15.  This was a problem.  You see, me being a girl, I cherish my time getting ready in the mornings.  I'm what you call a dawdler.  There was no time for dawdling that morning.

Jumping out of bed in sheer panic, I took the fastest shower of my entire life, ran blindly into a few doors, burned my ear curling my hair and stubbed some toes going back and forth between my bedroom and bathroom trying to get ready for this once in a lifetime day.  While my housemates thought there was a circus going on, I simply proved to the whole world that it is possible for a woman to get fully ready in 45 minutes. 

The Ladies of 510

Phew.  I'm already exhausted remembering that morning.  Needless to say, I left looking like a princess while my room looked like a tornado passed through it right before lightening struck and destroyed the evidence.  My mother would have been appalled.

Despite the quite eventful 45 minute morning, I was determined to make the most of my special day.  I felt like a kid on Christmas morning.  I jumped everywhere I went.  I needed a thousand pictures, and every one I saw I hugged like there was no tomorrow.  I didn't want to let go.  I wasn't ready to say good-bye.  As I registered my name and received my placement number in line, I was talking a million miles an hour.  I was so excited to take part in this day and to have my 3 seconds of fame with every eye on ME! (I'm not ashamed to admit that I like the attention).

My loving parents

My favorite brother

I walked through my favorite place on campus, McConn Coffee, for the last time as a student.  That shop will always have a special place in my heart along with the people I met there.  I needed to leave my fingerprint before I left, so I did the only thing I knew to do: I had one last product placement opportunity: 

Prime advertising from the stage!

I felt like my emotions were lost in a country where they didn't know the native language.  I was happy one minute, then bursting into tears the next.  I was so confused and conflicted.  The worst part was I couldn't help myself.  Some of my favorite years of my life were about to end and the unknown future was staring me down like some scary monster in my closet.  I wanted to drag out the happiness and safety I felt at IWU for as long as I could.  

But I couldn't hold it off for very long.  When the usher came to my row to usher us out of the auditorium to enter the backstage door, my imagination was running wild.  I felt like that was the longest walk of my life, yet at the same time, the quickest.  I got my picture taken in a snap and then before I knew it I was onstage and the next one to be called.  

Getting ready to cross!

I can't express to you the extreme pride I felt as I walked across that stage toward President Smith to shake his hand and take my diploma.  My whole body was shaking with excitement and wonder at how all of my hard work for years and years had finally paid off in this one single moment in time.  

And just like that it was all over.  

I walked back to my seat and twenty minutes later my class of 900 or so acted as one body as we flipped our tassels from the right to the left, signaling that our time as a student at Indiana Wesleyan University was officially over.  

"Look, Ma! I did it!!"

Wow.  Just like that.  In one single moment in time, all of my goals and dreams, fears and aspirations were all over.  I felt like I was in the middle of reading the most interesting tale of my life with mysteries and adventures still to come and someone just spat out the ending of the book out of nowhere.  It was so sudden that I felt empty inside.  The question, "Now what am I supposed to do?" kept running circles around my brain.  I had no idea what was next.  Everything I knew was school and it was now over.  

Real life slapped me hard on the face.  Can you now see the constant change in emotions I had that day?  One minute excited, the very next terrified, then sad, then giddy and it would start all over again!  Such a vicious cycle.

Now that I've had a month to reflect on the craziness I call my life, I am so excited and terrified at the same time for the next chapter in life.  It's only natural to move forward.  So onward I go, head held high, chin up and confidence in place.  I am so thankful for my time at IWU, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  God brought me friends when I was in a dire need of them, He taught me things about myself that I never knew, and I was put in situations that broke my heart but ended up strengthening me.

I will be forever grateful for this wonderful establishment and the unashamedly Christ-centeredness of it.  The memory of walking across that stage NOT tripping OR crying is permanently embeded in my brain until the day I die.  I've heard the best years are yet to come, but these past four years will always be the ones that defined who I am as a student, Christian, business person and woman.  

IWU, from the bottom of my heart, I say, "Thank you" for helping me be who I am today.

Best friends since high school!

Friends since McConn, sweet April

Best ToHo mates in the entire world!

Loving Grandparents

One special lady

Family.  Can you tell? :)

Fearless

I haven't posted a blog in a long time, but I have just been feeling very conflicted and need an outlet to process my thoughts.  I've struggled with an overwhelming fear my whole life.  Fear of the future to name one.  I don't know why and quite honestly, it's incredibly annoying.  I have way better things to do with my time than to be overcome with a fear that leaves me paralyzed. 

One of my favorite things to do is to go through my journal and re-read the entries that I wrote months ago.  Most of the time they are hilarious and embarrassing.  Even the one I read tonight made me laugh.  Whatever it was that was frustrating me so much made me write out in a passionate monologue on how I needed God to take the pen to my story. 

Being one that likes to control my future and plan out step by step, this year has been horrible.  Why?  Because God said, "Uh, no you're not".  I'm not kidding.  Every little thing that could possibly prevent me from planning ahead got in the way.  At first I didn't handle it well at all.  I had a major freak out moment (that lasted weeks) and held on to the pen for too long.  I finally got the little ounce of courage it took to hand the pen over to God and said, "Ok.  I trust You to write my story". 

I have had to constantly fight the feeling of fear every day since that moment I audibly gave control over to God.  It sucks.  But everyday I get a reminder from someone or something to be fearless.  Fear is NOT of God.  Fear is a stronghold that will eat us alive.  To live a life without fear is something that I strive for.  There are certain things that I pray for every day and because they are so dear to me, I am afraid that God won't answer them.  Sometimes I think that I know better than Him.  Uh, duh... No I don't! Learning how to place full trust in God has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it has been one heck of an adventure.  He has changed my heart and expectations on life so much compared to last summer. 

Moral of the story.... Give God the pen to your story.  He has the most creative mind out of everyone.  Trust that He's got your back.  Don't be afraid of being forgotten or of rejection.  As my favorite song says,

"You are my Sword and Shield, though troubles linger still, whom shall I fear? I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind.  The God of angel armies is always by my side.  The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine.  The God of angel armies is always by my side."

Jeremiah 29:11