When I grow up, I wanna be...

Lately there have been many days where I find myself sitting on the couch staring at the wall thinking about life.  Totally lost in thought, I spend hours just rabbit-trailing down paths and imagining scenarios that may never even happen.  Let me give you a glimpse into my mind: I'm in the middle of a book titled 48 Days To The Work You Love.  This book is good for many reasons, but the main reason why I love it is because it forces me to think about what I'm good at.  While I'm reading this, I'm imagining myself being a famous author, wealthy businesswoman, heck, even a dentist.  (Have I gone to med school? NO.  Did I pass any of my science classes? BARELY.)  But I still imagine it, because I like to give things a try, and I believe that I can do anything.

Ironically, the last post I made was all about my college experience and how graduating was simply awesome.  But now I'm thinking that I just want to do what I'm good at, not what I learned in a classroom.  Yes, I have quite a bit of unforgettable knowledge thanks to my professors, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm suppossed to be doing more with my life than just making ends meet and living a so-so life.  I want to do more!  But the question now is, "What?!'  What is it that I'm supossed to do?  I have no idea.

Remember in middle school when your teacher would have you take out a piece of paper and have you write down at least five things you thought you were good at --- five talents you believed you possessed?  For me that was always hard.  I would turn to my best friend and ask her what talents I had.  I couldn't see what she saw.  It was always easier for me to write down what talents other people had.

Now, 15 some years later, this book is forcing me to look objectively at myself and pick out what talents I have.  This is awesome, because the more I do it, the more I learn about what I like to do and what I'm good at!  I have learned that I can create a career out of things that I love to do and be happy.  I don't have to be a part of a cookie-cutter society and follow everyone else.  I've never been one to follow the crowd.  The thought of having to join a corporation because it's the predictable thing to do makes me not want to do it.  (But that just may be the ignorance speaking...)

Talking with six or seven year-olds, they all know what they want to do with their lives.  (Or at least have an idea).  Cashier, hairstylist, grocery bagger.  These are all occupations that I hear little ones say they want to be.  When asked why they say, "Because I like scanning items", "Because I like counting money" "Because I like making people look good" "Because I like organizing" --- responses that tell of what talents they have.  They pick these professions because it's all they know at that stage in life.  It's what they like... what they are interested in.

Why can't I be more like a seven year old?  They don't care about the societal position of their job; they claim their position with pride because they want to do what they like.  I don't want to hate my job.  I want to wake up excited to go to work.  I want to enjoy the life that God gave me.  That's why it's taken me so long to figure out what I'm going to do now.  I may not have all of the answers, but one I thing I know for sure:

When I grow up...

I don't want to be what other people expect me to be.

I don't want to be living another person's dream.

I want to live my dream and use the talents God gave me for His purpose.

Whether that be running my own business, working for a small company or even a big one.  Who knows?!  It's all a question mark right now, but at least I know one thing.  Nobody can tell me what or who I'm suppossed to be anymore.

When I grow up, I wanna be me.