The Real Beauty & The Beast

This pep talk goes out to every living, breathing human being ...

YOU. ARE. LOVED.

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL (HANDSOME).

Hello??

"Do you understand the words that are coming outta my mouth??"

I have absolutely had it with the bullies in this world.  Whenever I encounter a sincerely mean person, I so badly want to smack them upside the head and say, "Excuse me!  Can't you see that you are literally sucking the life out of this person?"  But the shyness in me wins out every time.  I swallow my fight, and usually walk away.  How terrible is that?  I want to have the strength to stand up for people and not care at all what might happen to me.  People don't deserve to be treated this way.  God did not make human beings just so they can rip each others' souls apart and leave them out to dry.  Geesh.  I'm ranting, I know.  But I just feel so strongly about this, and it's time we change the world.

Calling all World Changers!

Let's stand up for each other.  Let's be nice to people... yes, even people we may not like very much.  They still have feelings and troubles of their own.  Just think, the simplest gesture like smiling at someone can change their attitude about the day.    

I can honestly say that I have never been truly bullied, but there have been many instances in my life that have knocked me down and made me feel less than the scum on the earth for a long time.  Now that I'm an adult, I see it all so clearly ... people can be straight up mean.  Why do people feel the need to make someone else feel so terrible?

Friends, let's start spreading goodness and not hatred.  Let's build each other up, because the good Lord knows that words can do some serious damage.  Let's remind others every chance we get about how beautiful they are.  Let's not be the ugly scary beast in their lives.  Let's help them see the true beauty that flows from them.   Let's be filled with love.  Let's share the love with others.  Soon everyone will be awesome!  Let's give people a reason to dance!!  Let's all put on God's glasses and change the stinkin' world!

You are loved.

You are treasured.

You are precious.

You were made to be awesome.

That is all.

Goodnight.

XOXO Katie

 

Real Talk ... Random Rant

Ok, people.  Let's get real here.  Do you ever feel like running away as fast and as far as humanly possible?  I mean forget about fighting the dragon named Life that's guarding the precious treasure of peace that awaits you in the highest room of the tallest tower.  Forget about the armies of evil that seem to surprise attack you with flying monkeys and swirling curses any chance they get.  I'm all for running away fast and furious to the comfort of what I know to be safe and sound.  I'm a damsel in distress here not a warrior with courage and guts and brains and whatever else a knight in shining

armor has.     

Life is one of the hardest things ever, and I've had it pretty good these last 23 (practically 23) years of living.  So why am I complaining when there are others who have had way worse cards dealt to them? 

I wouldn't say I'm complaining.  I'm more like acknowledging the fact that life sucks sometimes.  Lately I've been pondering way too deep of questions for my little brain to process overnight.  These life questions are consuming me, and knowing myself, it will drive me crazy not figuring out the answers until either the Good Lord reveals them to me.... or I die.  I'm praying for the first scenario.

I'll spare you all the excruciating detail of the questions that just make me want to run away forever and never look back, but through it all I've come to realize that I really only need one answer in life.... Jesus.  I know "Jesus" is the cliche answer to every Sunday School question, but seriously guys... Jesus is the answer to everything concerning life. 

Even though my mind can over think every possible situation, if the answer doesn't align with what Jesus taught me in the Bible then forget it.  Jesus isn't the master of confusion, He's the author of truth.  Life can be extremely confusing at times.  I mean, the world we live in now is just straight up terrible.  It's no wonder people get lost and confused all the time.  Even Christians.

I think I'm done ranting.  I just wanted to let you all know that everyone goes through times when they're trying to figure something out, whether that be concerning their faith, work, love or life.  Friends, just remember that in any area of struggle, Jesus is the answer.  If you place your delight in Him, He will purify your soul, give you peace, rest, and He will light your way in the dark. 

Life is hard, but don't run away like I want to at times.  I'm learning that sometimes the best thing to do is to be the knight in shining armor and not the damsel in distress.  To face that dragon and those flying monkeys straight on with courage and strength that can only come from the Lord Himself.  He'll protect you, and you'll win the ultimate treasure at the end of the story.  It may not be true love's kiss (but hey, I'm still holding out for that one!), but it could be the peace you've been longing for.  It could be the joy you've missed having in your heart.  I don't know what the treasure you're looking for is, but Jesus does. 

Good night friends.  Turn that mind off, and stop thinking.  Sleep well and fight hard.  I feel like I'm going to dream about dragons and sword fights and prince and princesses.  I think I'm still a toddler at heart.  Oh well. I <3 fairytales.

XOXO Katie

The Thoughtless Wanderer

Well this post is extremely overdue.  Shame on me for not keeping up with this.  I mean who doesn't want to read about the extreme randomness that flows through my head at any given moment?  But right now I'm having writer's block.  I've literally been sitting here staring at the blinking cursor for 27 minutes and 14 seconds and not a single thought has floated through my head.  My brain is all fuzzy and I feel like:

What the heck is wrong with me?

Sometimes I think that life gets way too much in the way.  I just want to karate chop it in the face and say, "Slow down, you fool!"  It then usually gets mad and speeds up even more.  What a gentleman.  

As I reflect on the last couple of months of my life, I feel like I have been running in circles not really accomplishing anything.  It's a terrible thing to feel, I know.  But sometimes I just can't help it.  I love my job, I love my friends, I kinda love grad school, and I love my family.

So what's the problem, you ask?? Well, I don't know.  You tell me.

I've been trying to fully grasp the concept of Philippians 4:11 "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in all circumstances".  But let me just say that the struggle is real.  Really real.  I want to know how Paul learned that!  As opposed to my very first blog post ever, Less Than Adventuresome, I've kind of learned how to go on adventures and actually love them!  (I'm not talking skydiving or swimming with sharks kind of adventure...baby steps people.)  It's hard to be content with life when I'm not seeing any of my kind of adventures become reality.  But hey, there's a time for everything and everything has its time.

I'm going to sign off as the Thoughtless Wanderer and leave this horrendous post to rest.  Maybe next week I'll be inspired to write something more beneficial and thought provoking.  But for now, I'm going to just live life and enjoy today, because no one is guaranteed tomorrow.

Keep dreaming and keep living, friends!

Katie xoxo

Gerard Butler, Snow White's Granddaughter, & Pumpkin Coffee

I am dating Gerard Butler a la 20 years younger.  He's perfect.  My own prince charming.  He's about to take me on a most precious date when my grandparents, Snow White and Prince Charming, decide to come over to my castle and greet us.  I find this unexpected visit delightful and quite normal despite the fact that my grandparents' physical conditions make them look like a fellow couple in their 20s.  All is right in the world as Snow White and I sip green tea and chat about the most recent books each of us has read while Prince Charming shares advice with young Gerard on being charming and how to treat his lady like the true princess that she is (that would be me!)

All of a sudden, a great gust of wind appeared and darkness fell over the land.  A storm the size of a tsunami came in and a woman that looked like the child of the wicked witch from the west and Regina the evil queen from Once Upon A Time popped up out of nowhere and tried to kill us all.  Fortunately, my Gerard is determined, brave and strong.  He fights off the evil being, saves the world and wins my heart all in the matter of 2 seconds.  He sweeps me off my feet, whisks me away to his castle and we lived happily ever after as king and queen.

Then I hear the sound of a drum and the world starts to shake violently.  I'm suddenly sucked up into the air, and after an exhausting struggle, I realize I'm lying in bed with my alarm going off and vibrating on my night stand.

AHHHH!  I just had the best dream in the entire history of dreams!  After I realized that I was just dreaming, I smashed my head back into my pillow whispering "go back to sleep, go back to sleep, go back to sleep".  Unfortunately, I have never had the ability to finish my dreams.  Stink.  I get up and decide that today is going to be a grand day.  I mean, the fact that I married Gerard Butler and was Snow White and Prince Charming's granddaughter for probably 2 whole minutes is enough to make for the best day ever!

Then I realized I'm not in fantasy land anymore.  I'm in the real world, facing real world problems and learning real world solutions.  UGH.  I don't know how many of you are in a 'growing' stage in life, but I sure am.  Throughout the current changes in my life, I've felt too young, not smart enough, not good enough... I've felt like a loser, failure and like a child playing 'grown-up'.

One day, I was having such a pity party for myself : I hated not feeling in control, like I didn't know anything, like I wasn't Miss Perfect anymore and God totally interrupted my party for one.  He took His glasses off and gently put them on my face.  It was out of nowhere that I was able to see myself like He sees me.  Yes, learning lessons and growing is hard work because God usually shows us something about ourselves that isn't pretty.  It amazes me that just when I think I know myself pretty well, God shows me something else I need to work on.  It's never ending.  But then again, being a Christian should never be ending.


On my way home from work this evening, I heard a song called "He Is With Us".  The lyrics of this song just melted me....

"We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always"

Perfect.  He is with us... always.  Through everything we are going through.

Even though I didn't have the best day ever that I was so sure I was going to have, I ended it with a cup of pumpkin coffee (aka perfection in a cup) and the assurance from my real Hero that I will always be rescued and fought for no matter what challenges in life I may face.  And that, my dears, is my happy ending to today.  Don't ever give up, keep on fighting and going through the struggle because God is waiting for you at the finish line.  He is teaching you because He loves you.  Amen and amen!

Good night, friends!!  And dream crazy dreams!

xoxo Katie <3

I'm A Real {grown-up} Girl!

Just pause for one second.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee or a steaming cup of tea.

Find your favorite chair, and while you're there take a seat.

Because I've got the best story in town.  And I want to share it with you.

My story stars me as the main character and my God as the director.

If you remember my last post (ok maybe it was a couple posts ago) I was royally freaking out about finding a job.  I just couldn't see what God was doing or where God was taking me.  I was getting a little frustrated.  I just wanted to know!  Well, come to find out, God really does see the whole painting when we only see the first layer of paint.

Que the "Duh, Katie.  Everybody knows that" from the audience.

Yeah, well, it's easy to remember that when you're not freaking out about something (even something as small as where you are going to live in the very near and looming future).

The opening scene has me sitting on my big comfy lime green circle chair on a summery Friday night cuddled up in a blanket watching "Hitch" for the first time ever.  (Don't judge me)  During the movie, I hear my phone make the infamous text message tone, and I look to see who has contacted me.  My friend says that she has a friend who is looking to fill a job position at the company she works for.  My friend wants to know if I would be interested in her setting up an interview for me with her friend.

I jump at the chance to interview and get all psyched and prepared to go in for the big day.  I make the three hour trek back to the Chicago land area to interview for this position.  I can't go into all the details otherwise we will be here for five days, but let me just say that GOD PROVIDES!  I had three things on my mind that I constantly prayed about for 6 months when it came to moving back home and my career in general.

Those exact three things were answered during my interview without me even having to ask.

Um, what?

I was offered the job on the spot, and sobbed all the way home from the all-day long interview.  Why did I sob?  Because my heart was overflowing at the goodness and faithfulness of God.

Interview day!

Just wait, my story gets better.

I go back to my short term home, IWU, to finish working at my favorite coffee shop, McConn Coffee Co.  My last day working at McConn is Friday, July 26th.  My first day of my new career is Monday, July 29th.  My fear of going months and months without a job after graduation is now zapped into thin air never to steal one more minute of peaceful slumber from me again.

I arrive at my new workplace starting my life as a working, professional business woman and learn that I get to make my very first business trip six days after my debut.

I'm shaking in my shoes with excitement and terror at the thought of flying alone, getting a hotel, calling for cabs and meeting what seems like a million strangers (soon to be familiar co-workers), navigating myself around a city I've never been to (without getting lost --- Heaven help me), and flying home.

I can do this.  I have confidence in me.  I start my adventure by driving to Midway airport.

Que "I Have Confidence" music:

The lyrics of this song start flowing through my mind...

"What will this day be like?  I wonder.  What will my future be?  I wonder.  It could be so exciting, to be out in the world to be free.  My heart should be wildly rejoicing, oh what's the matter with me?  I've always longed for adventure, to do the things I've never dared.  Now here I'm facing adventure, then why am I so scared?!

A flight all by myself.  What's so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop all these doubts, all these worries.  If I don't I just know I'll turn back."

Yep.  Julie Andrews narrated my whole weekend.  She reminded me to have confidence in myself.  I owe her huge.

Needless to say, I survived my first trip alone.  I didn't get lost.  I actually loved it and decided that I want to travel more often!

Corporate trip #1! 

I think I'm a big girl now.  No more comfort zone living.  I have been stepping out of my comfort zone for the past two weeks and God has been with me every single second.  During the sermon I listened to this morning, I was reminded that when we pray, God is right next to us.  The General of the Heavenly Host is standing right next to us whispering in our ears and hearts, "I'm right here.  Let's go do this.  We can conquer anything.  I'm on your side and will fight right next to you".

I don't know about you, but when I need to fight against doubt, fear, lies and oppression, I'm super glad and relieved that my God will be right next to me.  He will answer my prayers, provide in ways I never could have imagined and love me no matter what.

Now that my story is coming to an end, I just want to leave you with this reminder....

When God holds the pen to YOUR story, the plot changes and changes, but He remains constant and stable.  Trust and believe in God.  Sometimes it's hard and not fun, but trust me friend.  It's way worth it when He shows more of the painting He is working that is called Your Life.  He will answer your prayers, provide in ways you never could have imagined and love you no matter what.

Sleep well, dream big dream, and trust that God has your life in the tender palm of His mighty hand!

Monster's {YOU}niversity

Twelve years ago, I was sitting in a big red chair with a small bag of popcorn on my lap, my feet barely touching the ground of the movie theater, and my legs swinging in impatient anticipation.  Let me tell you, this movie was the talk of the summer.  Humor, monsters, Disney and Pixar combined...  My ten year old mind almost burst with excitement as family and friends waited for the lights to dim and the previews to start.  Monsters, Inc. was going to be awesome! 

I remember as the opening credits came on all the way until the closing credits came on feeling and looking something like this:

 I. Loved. That. Movie.

So, naturally after going through twelve years of life -- all the way through junior high, high school and college -- when I found out there was a Monsters, Inc. II coming out, my ten-year-old heart jumped in excitement and joy.  Finally!  Get out of the way kids, I've been waiting twelve years for this!  You better believe I was first in line; these kids just wouldn't understand.

Being one of the oldest in the theater without a child as my excuse of paying to see a G rated movie, my 22-year-old mind digested the movie a bit differently than my 10-year-old mind did.  This movie was awesome!  Because life had thrown me some minor curve balls during those 12 years in between movies, I was able to watch the movie with an objective mind and relate to it quite well. 

You see, I just graduated from college.  It was only three years ago that I had the same feelings that Mike Wazowski and James Sullivan felt during the movie. 

Will I fit in?

What if I fail?

I have to prove myself to everyone I encounter!

Et cetera . Et cetera. Et cetera.

I left the theater feeling so motivated and inspired to follow my dreams.  There have been plenty of people who have told me that I can't do something, leaving me feeling even more stubborn and determined to prove them wrong.  But even though I put on that facade in front of the nay-sayers and scooby-don'ts, it's still discouraging to hear someone tell me to my face that I can't accomplish a certain dream of mine.

Granted, there are only three people (four including God) in this whole world who know what I truly wish to accomplish with my life.  I've been blessed, or cursed... depends on how you look at it, with a dreamer-like personality.  I can literally sit in my room and dream and scheme for HOURS about what I'm going to do with my life, how it's going to look and all the in between stuff.  It's a blessing because when I'm bored (which happens a lot), I find something new to do.  It's a curse because I sometimes overwhelm myself with my imagination --- I don't know where to start!!  I can do anything I want, which results in me telling people that I have no idea what I want.  It's because I want it ALL!  

*Spoiler Alert* Mike Wazowski faced failure and rejection at almost every point in his life.  He wasn't scary, he was forgotten and destined to be anything BUT a "scarer".  Even the Dean of the Scare School told Mike he wasn't cut out to be a "scarer", that he didn't belong at Monsters University.  How devastating. But that just pushed him to work harder and prove to himself and everyone else that he could do what he always dreamed of, what he was passionate about.  He always stood up for himself and the underdog, because he understood what it meant to be an underdog.  James Sullivan was popular, scary and outgoing.  People expected him to be a great "scarer" --- he didn't even have to try. 

Throughout the whole movie, Sully learns what it's like to stand up for other people and to do the right thing.  He got kicked out of the fraternity he was in because Mike out (book) smarted him during his final.  Although Mike and Sully are enemies for a good portion of the movie --- always competing and never working together --- they learn to work as a team, accomplishing the same goal: to get back into the scare program. 

It just warmed my heart to see a solid movie with valuable life lessons being shown.  Even this 22-year-old college graduate learned something from this movie: Never back down.  Never give up.  Believe in yourself.  Believe in others.  Do good.  Live life to the fullest.  Be you.

So folks, I don't know about you, but I'm going to start RIGHT NOW pursuing and living my dream.  Those three people in my life will just have to keep me accountable.  Who knows, maybe you all will know what my dream is soon!

Following my dream,

Kate
 

When I grow up, I wanna be...

Lately there have been many days where I find myself sitting on the couch staring at the wall thinking about life.  Totally lost in thought, I spend hours just rabbit-trailing down paths and imagining scenarios that may never even happen.  Let me give you a glimpse into my mind: I'm in the middle of a book titled 48 Days To The Work You Love.  This book is good for many reasons, but the main reason why I love it is because it forces me to think about what I'm good at.  While I'm reading this, I'm imagining myself being a famous author, wealthy businesswoman, heck, even a dentist.  (Have I gone to med school? NO.  Did I pass any of my science classes? BARELY.)  But I still imagine it, because I like to give things a try, and I believe that I can do anything.

Ironically, the last post I made was all about my college experience and how graduating was simply awesome.  But now I'm thinking that I just want to do what I'm good at, not what I learned in a classroom.  Yes, I have quite a bit of unforgettable knowledge thanks to my professors, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm suppossed to be doing more with my life than just making ends meet and living a so-so life.  I want to do more!  But the question now is, "What?!'  What is it that I'm supossed to do?  I have no idea.

Remember in middle school when your teacher would have you take out a piece of paper and have you write down at least five things you thought you were good at --- five talents you believed you possessed?  For me that was always hard.  I would turn to my best friend and ask her what talents I had.  I couldn't see what she saw.  It was always easier for me to write down what talents other people had.

Now, 15 some years later, this book is forcing me to look objectively at myself and pick out what talents I have.  This is awesome, because the more I do it, the more I learn about what I like to do and what I'm good at!  I have learned that I can create a career out of things that I love to do and be happy.  I don't have to be a part of a cookie-cutter society and follow everyone else.  I've never been one to follow the crowd.  The thought of having to join a corporation because it's the predictable thing to do makes me not want to do it.  (But that just may be the ignorance speaking...)

Talking with six or seven year-olds, they all know what they want to do with their lives.  (Or at least have an idea).  Cashier, hairstylist, grocery bagger.  These are all occupations that I hear little ones say they want to be.  When asked why they say, "Because I like scanning items", "Because I like counting money" "Because I like making people look good" "Because I like organizing" --- responses that tell of what talents they have.  They pick these professions because it's all they know at that stage in life.  It's what they like... what they are interested in.

Why can't I be more like a seven year old?  They don't care about the societal position of their job; they claim their position with pride because they want to do what they like.  I don't want to hate my job.  I want to wake up excited to go to work.  I want to enjoy the life that God gave me.  That's why it's taken me so long to figure out what I'm going to do now.  I may not have all of the answers, but one I thing I know for sure:

When I grow up...

I don't want to be what other people expect me to be.

I don't want to be living another person's dream.

I want to live my dream and use the talents God gave me for His purpose.

Whether that be running my own business, working for a small company or even a big one.  Who knows?!  It's all a question mark right now, but at least I know one thing.  Nobody can tell me what or who I'm suppossed to be anymore.

When I grow up, I wanna be me.

A Moment In Time

Graduation.  

For me that word holds many meanings: accomplishment, hard-work, investments, CELEBRATION, good-byes, tears, happiness, sadness...

The list could go on for quite some time, but I would rather not bore you right away.  April 27, 2013 will be a day I will always remember.  I had two goals that day: to walk across that stage without tripping OR crying.  

That morning could have started off extremely bad.  I must have forgotten to set my alarm because it never went off.  I was to meet my family at 8am for breakfast in our Student Center, and I woke up at 7:15.  This was a problem.  You see, me being a girl, I cherish my time getting ready in the mornings.  I'm what you call a dawdler.  There was no time for dawdling that morning.

Jumping out of bed in sheer panic, I took the fastest shower of my entire life, ran blindly into a few doors, burned my ear curling my hair and stubbed some toes going back and forth between my bedroom and bathroom trying to get ready for this once in a lifetime day.  While my housemates thought there was a circus going on, I simply proved to the whole world that it is possible for a woman to get fully ready in 45 minutes. 

The Ladies of 510

Phew.  I'm already exhausted remembering that morning.  Needless to say, I left looking like a princess while my room looked like a tornado passed through it right before lightening struck and destroyed the evidence.  My mother would have been appalled.

Despite the quite eventful 45 minute morning, I was determined to make the most of my special day.  I felt like a kid on Christmas morning.  I jumped everywhere I went.  I needed a thousand pictures, and every one I saw I hugged like there was no tomorrow.  I didn't want to let go.  I wasn't ready to say good-bye.  As I registered my name and received my placement number in line, I was talking a million miles an hour.  I was so excited to take part in this day and to have my 3 seconds of fame with every eye on ME! (I'm not ashamed to admit that I like the attention).

My loving parents

My favorite brother

I walked through my favorite place on campus, McConn Coffee, for the last time as a student.  That shop will always have a special place in my heart along with the people I met there.  I needed to leave my fingerprint before I left, so I did the only thing I knew to do: I had one last product placement opportunity: 

Prime advertising from the stage!

I felt like my emotions were lost in a country where they didn't know the native language.  I was happy one minute, then bursting into tears the next.  I was so confused and conflicted.  The worst part was I couldn't help myself.  Some of my favorite years of my life were about to end and the unknown future was staring me down like some scary monster in my closet.  I wanted to drag out the happiness and safety I felt at IWU for as long as I could.  

But I couldn't hold it off for very long.  When the usher came to my row to usher us out of the auditorium to enter the backstage door, my imagination was running wild.  I felt like that was the longest walk of my life, yet at the same time, the quickest.  I got my picture taken in a snap and then before I knew it I was onstage and the next one to be called.  

Getting ready to cross!

I can't express to you the extreme pride I felt as I walked across that stage toward President Smith to shake his hand and take my diploma.  My whole body was shaking with excitement and wonder at how all of my hard work for years and years had finally paid off in this one single moment in time.  

And just like that it was all over.  

I walked back to my seat and twenty minutes later my class of 900 or so acted as one body as we flipped our tassels from the right to the left, signaling that our time as a student at Indiana Wesleyan University was officially over.  

"Look, Ma! I did it!!"

Wow.  Just like that.  In one single moment in time, all of my goals and dreams, fears and aspirations were all over.  I felt like I was in the middle of reading the most interesting tale of my life with mysteries and adventures still to come and someone just spat out the ending of the book out of nowhere.  It was so sudden that I felt empty inside.  The question, "Now what am I supposed to do?" kept running circles around my brain.  I had no idea what was next.  Everything I knew was school and it was now over.  

Real life slapped me hard on the face.  Can you now see the constant change in emotions I had that day?  One minute excited, the very next terrified, then sad, then giddy and it would start all over again!  Such a vicious cycle.

Now that I've had a month to reflect on the craziness I call my life, I am so excited and terrified at the same time for the next chapter in life.  It's only natural to move forward.  So onward I go, head held high, chin up and confidence in place.  I am so thankful for my time at IWU, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  God brought me friends when I was in a dire need of them, He taught me things about myself that I never knew, and I was put in situations that broke my heart but ended up strengthening me.

I will be forever grateful for this wonderful establishment and the unashamedly Christ-centeredness of it.  The memory of walking across that stage NOT tripping OR crying is permanently embeded in my brain until the day I die.  I've heard the best years are yet to come, but these past four years will always be the ones that defined who I am as a student, Christian, business person and woman.  

IWU, from the bottom of my heart, I say, "Thank you" for helping me be who I am today.

Best friends since high school!

Friends since McConn, sweet April

Best ToHo mates in the entire world!

Loving Grandparents

One special lady

Family.  Can you tell? :)

Fearless

I haven't posted a blog in a long time, but I have just been feeling very conflicted and need an outlet to process my thoughts.  I've struggled with an overwhelming fear my whole life.  Fear of the future to name one.  I don't know why and quite honestly, it's incredibly annoying.  I have way better things to do with my time than to be overcome with a fear that leaves me paralyzed. 

One of my favorite things to do is to go through my journal and re-read the entries that I wrote months ago.  Most of the time they are hilarious and embarrassing.  Even the one I read tonight made me laugh.  Whatever it was that was frustrating me so much made me write out in a passionate monologue on how I needed God to take the pen to my story. 

Being one that likes to control my future and plan out step by step, this year has been horrible.  Why?  Because God said, "Uh, no you're not".  I'm not kidding.  Every little thing that could possibly prevent me from planning ahead got in the way.  At first I didn't handle it well at all.  I had a major freak out moment (that lasted weeks) and held on to the pen for too long.  I finally got the little ounce of courage it took to hand the pen over to God and said, "Ok.  I trust You to write my story". 

I have had to constantly fight the feeling of fear every day since that moment I audibly gave control over to God.  It sucks.  But everyday I get a reminder from someone or something to be fearless.  Fear is NOT of God.  Fear is a stronghold that will eat us alive.  To live a life without fear is something that I strive for.  There are certain things that I pray for every day and because they are so dear to me, I am afraid that God won't answer them.  Sometimes I think that I know better than Him.  Uh, duh... No I don't! Learning how to place full trust in God has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it has been one heck of an adventure.  He has changed my heart and expectations on life so much compared to last summer. 

Moral of the story.... Give God the pen to your story.  He has the most creative mind out of everyone.  Trust that He's got your back.  Don't be afraid of being forgotten or of rejection.  As my favorite song says,

"You are my Sword and Shield, though troubles linger still, whom shall I fear? I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind.  The God of angel armies is always by my side.  The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine.  The God of angel armies is always by my side."

Jeremiah 29:11

Let Go and Let God

"Let Go and Let God" --- we've all heard this phrase before.  We have all either rolled our eyes at whoever said it to us, or we've embraced the meaning and ran with it.  I used to roll my eyes.  I used to hate it when people told me to let go and let God.  What does that even mean?  How can I let go of something when I have it all figured out?

Well, let me tell you... I didn't and don't have it all figured out.  This past week I've realized so many things about myself that I really didn't want to know.  Katie is not perfect (shoot).  Katie is not strong (dang it).  But God IN Katie is perfect... God IN Katie is strong.  I like to control my plans and have everything all figured out in a neat and orderly fashion.  When something really stresses me out I usually wait until crunch time to figure it out (I work best under pressure) and come up with a plan of action.  I hate being stressed and freaking out.  Some people who only see me in a class room setting would never believe that.

I struggle with the tendency of being perfect.  If I don't reach that goal, then I've failed and take it very personally.  I realized this past week that I cannot do things on my own -- although I tried with all of my might.  I felt like I was on the very edge of a cliff, someone was going to push me over and I had no way of stopping them.  So much was going on that I tried to plan and schedule and control everything myself.  I freaked.  I was weak.  But you know what, our God is made perfect in our weakness.

His peace, His love and His mercy flowed down like refreshing water on my soul this week, reminding me of how loved I am, how precious and important I am.  It's easy to forget that... at least for me it is.  Verses like Philippians 2:14, Philippians 4:13, and Philippians 4:6 came racing through my mind one day at 4:30 in the morning.  I am usually passed out at that time, like any other normal person, so for my brain to even be thinking at that time is a miracle in and of itself.

I refused to complain once this week.  Holy cow.  Talk about an attitude adjustment.  An inner joy that just seeped into my heart and could only be from God stayed with me all week.  Yes, as Christians there will be mountain highs and valley lows, but we can make it a conscious decision to choose joy.  Complaining takes that joy away and the opportunity to praise God in everything is stripped from us.

I choose joy.

I will always choose joy... even in the hard days.

Now think about that phrase "Let go and let God" one more time.  Does it still make you roll your eyes?  Jesus came to Earth to DIE for you.  Why would He leave you now in the midst of your struggles?  Let go of complaining and controlling.  Let go of planning and organizing.  Let go... and let God.  Give everything up to Him and watch Him work things out for you.  Will you embrace this and run with it?

I'm telling you friends, it's the most freeing feeling ever!  I know there will be days when I go back to my natural Katie self... but God IN Katie is what I strive to live like everyday for the rest of my life.

Choose joy.  You never know who all you can be impacting just by the attitude you portray through out your day.  Don't worry or fret.  Don't complain or control.

Let Go and Let God.

I Wish...

Ok, so every summer I create my favorite thing in the entire world... my summer reading list.  I've found that once I started college, my precious reading time was kidnapped by studying and projects and work.  But the wonderful thing about being a student is, let's face it, summer. I wouldn't be able to live without time to read my books.  Old and new. 

Well, I just finished a new book Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers.  If you haven't read it, I highly suggest you do.  I won't give away the details, but I will say that it's about five unlikely women in the Bible who God chose to do extraordinary things through.  She has a follow up book about five unlikely men in the Bible who God chose to do extraordinatry things through also (that one is also on my list). 

Ever since I was little I have been lost in my imagination, creating stories of my own, getting lost in a story and really growing to love the characters like they're my own family.  This can be good and bad.  Good because if it's a really good book, it makes me evaluate my life and usually my relationship with God.  Bad because I'm not 100% here when I'm in a middle of a book.  Ask my parents and brother... they're lucky I remember anything that is going on in real life because I'm so entranced with what's going on in my own little fantasy. 

Well, this book that I just finished was one of those that just jostled my whole perspective.  I realize that it is a historical fiction book, but still... it COULD have happened.  We never know.  All we know are the facts that were given to us in the Bible, but Rivers fills in the missing pieces, and I couldn't help but wonder... this could have happened.  One of the stories in the book was about Mary and her life as Jesus' mother.  How cool would that have been? To be the mother of Christ? Well, after reading the story through Rivers' eyes, I think that Mary had a pretty tough life.  Growing up with all of her loved ones not believing how her son came to be... not believing that her son was the Messiah. How heartbroken she must have felt to know the Truth, but watch as her loved ones went about life not believing.

My mind then began walking along the track of "What would I have thought if I lived back then? Would I have seen a child or a King?"  and I stopped what I was doing and said, "I have no idea".  Think about it.  Really think about it.  It would have been weird.  But then, I started thinking, what if I knew the Truth from the beginning like Mary and Joseph did, and I had the priviledge of watching Jesus grow up.  I know He was fully God, but He was also fully man.  I'm just overwhelmed by the thought that Jesus was a kid just like us, but He was perfect.  He probably never fought with his siblings, never back sassed his parents, always wanted to do His Father's will.  What a perfect example.  I realize we can't be that exact same way and resist temptation everytime we are tempted, but we can surely try.  Jesus was tempted the same as us, but He resisted every single time.  I wish I could have seen Him grow up.  That in itself would have been a miracle to witness the Lord growing up.  But one day, I will see Him face to face and I can ask Him all the questions I want.  Let me tell you, I'm excited. :)

This book was just another eye-opener to me that I may think I'm a good person, but really, I'm a sinner.  I NEED Jesus every second of every day to help me live life according to His will.  My heart is overflowing with gratitude and praise for what He did for us on the cross.  I can't imagine the turmoil he went through on earth seeing how we are living in a world full of sin, yet claiming to be doing God's will.  Every day is a struggle, but with Him to walk right next to us, we can get by with mercy and grace and strive to do the will of God as He did when He walked this earth.

Read the book.  It's so good.  It will give you a new perspective about how ordinary people did extraordinary things.

We need the Church

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty proud to be apart of the body of Christ a.k.a. THE CHURCH.  There have been a couple videos going around like rapid fire on facebook about not needing the Church because it's so corrupt.  About loving Jesus but hating the church.  At first I avoided watching those videos because I thought they were going to be a waste of time.  But one day I decided to watch one.  I will admit, the guy in the video was very compelling and had a creative way of telling us what he thought.  But the message did not stir my heart strings.  As I thought about it, I was a little offended and upset at what he ultimately had to say. 

In the Bible, Jesus commands us to be a part of the body.  We need fellowship with a local church.  It's healthy for our relationship and growth with Christ.  Now, granted there are some pretty corrupt churches out there, but just because some of them are does not mean ALL of them are.  We are human, we sin, we will mess up, but that's the beauty of God's grace.  He redeems us and uses our mistakes to make good (if we so choose to let Him).  The Bible talks about Jesus' Bridegroom, how He will come back for His church.  In the New Testament, he had Peter start the church... so if He did that, why would we have the audacity to say that the church is a bad thing?

Hmmmm....

Another thing that is popular is "Jesus is my religion" or "I love Jesus, but hate religion".  Well, newsflash... loving Jesus automatically puts you in a religion.  Religion is not a bad thing.  We are called to be Christ-followers (CHRISTIANS).  When we let the fundamentals and nitty-gritty stuff about religion get the best of us and control us, well that's when we start having problems.  Jesus needs to be the center of our lives and the focus of our day.  Our love for Him should overthrow any complications we have within the church, but unfortunately because of our sinful nature, we still have problems with that. 

Watch this video and see what you think.  Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus: Spoken Word. 

Again, he was very creative and compelling in his speech, but ultimately I do not agree with him.  We need the church.  We need to be surrounded by believers to help build us up and encourage us in our walk with Christ.  We can't be alone in our growth because how do we know how much to grow?  We need others to help us and we will get that in the church.  No, it's not perfect.  But it is what God gave us to sustain us until His return. 

Are you for real?

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel totally drained and don't know what to do with yourself?  Well, today was one of those days for me.  I spent all weekend working on homework.  I just wanted to rip my books apart when I finally decided to stop working.  Sometimes I just get into these super productive moods (granted most of the time it takes awhile to actually get IN to the super productive moods -- but once I'm in them, there's no turning back).  I don't know.  It was just an off day. 

I decided to re-read my earlier posts and talk with my dad, but I still had this weird feeling.  I wanted to grab that rubber band and snap myself again to get out of this weird attitude.  In one of my classes the professor made us take a personality test.  The results of mine did not surprise me one bit, in fact it was pretty creepy how accurate they described me.  But in doing this test and having my prof talk constantly and in depth about it, I have become more aware of the people around me that have layers.  You don't get what you see.  That bothers me.  A lot.  I think I'm a pretty straight forward person, but I'm not going to tell you my whole life story the first time I meet you.  I want to get to know you first and really know if I can trust you with my feelings, dreams and goals.  There are some people, especially on this campus, who put up a front and show people what they want to see.  Regardless if they like you or not. 

I think I've just been noticing this and realizing how our generation is huge in tolerance.  We just go with the flow with everything that's going on in the world.  We go to a school where drinking is the "in" thing... so we drink.  We go to work where it's ok to cheat on paperwork... so we do it.  Despite our true beliefs and morals.  Acceptance is the key word here.  That is so frustrating to me I can't even stand it.  Why can't we just all be ourselves.  May our yes be yes and our no be no.  I'm sick of people telling me one thing and then the next day doing something totally different.  I want to get what I see.  I want the real person to talk to me.  No games.  No trying to figure out what you really believe. 

Have you ever thought that?

Yes, I have been blessed beyond measure for the people that God has placed in my life.  I have great friends who show me their real selves, and I love them dearly.  I thank the Lord every day for placing them in my life.  Let's go out and be transparent with people... show them the love of Christ they need to see. We can ALL work on that -- every day -- every minute -- every second.  Let's change the world, but first we need to be R E A L.

Execpect the Unexpected

So, I wake up this morning and the sun is shining.  I can't believe that it is 55 degrees out today!  Sometimes, we just need to thank the Lord for the pleasant, unexpected surprises that He gives us.  I hate winter.  The only time I can accept the cold, snowy weather is the week before Christmas, but then not a day after that wonderful holiday.  It seems like we just by-passed winter this year.  Fine by me!!

Today I just could not stop smiling.  I don't know why.  It was like all this energy was waiting to burst out of me.  It was just a grand day!! I love people: meeting them, getting to know them, and cherishing moments with those I already know.  Laughing is one of the biggest parts of my life, hopefully people don't see me as cranky because I would not like that!

I don't really have anything to say other then ENJOY LIFE!  God's presence is so real and well, present. (I had to :) ).  I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and my family and friends.  I've been struggling with completely being ok with handing over my future to Him, but lately it's been good. Worrying all the time about my future was not cutting it for me.  I finally realized that living my life day by day is good, and FUN! Yeah there are crappy days, and days where I just want the world to end, but everyone has those unfortunate ones. 

Well, I can't even come up with a coherent thought, as you can tell by my complete rambling.  I think all the caffeine from the coffee I had earlier today is getting to me.  Note to self: Stop being addicted to coffee.... HAHA! Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Good night friends, dream pleasant dreams, and be excited for the lovely future God has in store for you and the loved ones in your life. :)

Beauty

Today, I am talking to the ladies of the world. 

Ok, men, you should probably listen too. 

Ladies: How many times have you felt like the world was judging you based on your looks?  Let me guess.  A million kagillion times!  With today's society, it's hard not to feel crappy about yourself.  Hollywood throws all these picture perfect models in our faces with the expectation of the rest of world to become just like them.  Size 00, perfect complexion, certain styles, certain skin tone ... the list goes on and on.  I'm a girl, so I understand the overwhelming pressure to fit in and look model perfect to get a guy's attention.  But guess what.  WE DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE THAT WAY.  Live a healthy lifestyle, yes.  But don't starve yourself just so you can fit in that pair of jeans.  Don't wish you had a certain body type and beat up on the one that God gave you.  Who says what body type is the type to have?  Embrace yourself and get comfortable in your skin.  I can't stress that point enough.  You are who you are for a reason.  God does not make mistakes when He creates something.  Honor your body, live a healthy lifestyle, but do not wish for something you do not have.  That's coveting (which is a whole new topic).

Men: Encourage your woman.  Give her the confidence she needs to get through the day.

Ladies: True beauty comes from the inside.  I have read so many articles/books/blogs about beauty, and I just can't seem to understand why it is so hard for us to really grasp that concept. I realize that talking about this topic is like beating a dead horse, but I believe that it is one that we need to hear every single day.  If a guy does not treat you with respect or dignity, he's not worth it.  It's no wonder girls feel like they have to measure up to something more.  Most men in this generation do not know how to truly pursue/encourage a woman.  So we fall back and try to impress them by being someone we are not -- Hollywood.  Forget Hollywood.  It's not real life.  We are real life.  The pictures they show us and the models they come out with are so fake it makes me sick.  Why do we want to be like that? 

Men: Tell your girl that she's beautiful.  Because you mean it.  Because you see her for who she is on the INSIDE and not only what she looks like on the OUTSIDE. 

Ladies: We girls need to take a stand and get comfortable in our very own skin.  You are not a mistake.  You are beautiful.  God loves you deeply, and I believe it crushes Him when we think of ourselves as ugly, or a waste of breath.  He wants to tell us daily that we are cherished and beautiful -- We just need to be willing to listen and believe Him.  Will you accept the cup that He has given you?  He loves you!!

Men: Thank you for helping us.

Know & believe this truth TODAY! -- click to watch

Shalom

Shalom = Peace.  What is it like to be totally peaceful?  I have no idea.  My life is constantly going a million miles per hour.  At the end of the day, all I want to do is feel this incredible peace... let's be honest.  That only happens a handful of times.  Have you ever wondered why our generation is so go-go-go?  I can't imagine a life where I just sit around doing nothing, worrying about nothing and just taking it easy.

Life. Is. Crazy.

I realized today that people actually care about other people.  (Ok, pretty dumb realization, but that's what happened today).  Someone that I do not know spent an hour giving me advice and suggestions on how to run my business.  I WAS SO PUMPED!  How can we not be peaceful when people really do care and want to help us out?  I guess this is just another thing that we need to learn as a society.  I need to learn it for sure.  I always think I'm insignificant, but then God knocks at my heart and says, "Um, excuse me.  I did not make an insignificant being.  I never do.  You are significant."  (Sometimes He needs to remind me of that a lot. :) )

Mother Teresa said, "A smile is the beginning of peace".  Maybe all we need to do is just start smiling throughout the day.  Even to people we don't like.... smile at them.  Even when we do not feel like smiling.  Just smile!  I have a feeling that peace starts with one's attitude.  If you make a conscious effort to have a positive attitude, then you will be peaceful.  One of my professors passed out rubber bands to us in class the other day.  He said that the purpose of them is to snap ourselves when we catch ourselves having a bad attitude.  Let me tell you, that day when I wore the rubber band, my wrist was so red because I was snapping myself so much.  It put things into perspective for me.  I wasn't peaceful because I let myself go in my bad attitude.  And of course, one can only be truly peaceful when they have the love of Christ in them.  I can't even imagine what my life would be like without God, when it's this much of a struggle to be peaceful everyday with Him to remind me to calm down.

So my friends, be peaceful.  Rest.  Smile.  Enjoy the day.  Laugh a lot.  Life will be so much more fun and enjoyable when you learn to laugh at everything (including yourself).

Click here to start smiling :)

Shalom. Love. Joy.

Less than Adventuresome

Hello Bloggers, I am welcoming myself into the world of blogging.  Many people have told me that I should start a blog, so for awhile I have toyed with the idea of starting one.  Only problem is: I have no idea how this works.  Or what the heck to write about.  So I'm just going to be rambling on and on about pretty much anything that pops into my head. 

Today, I realized that I am prone to being less than adventuresome.  I have no sense of adventure whatsoever.  Why is this, I wonder.  I was talking with a friend today, and she mentioned that she wanted to go camping.  My immediate thought was, "Wow.  My idea of camping is in the hotel across the street from the campground!"  I sometimes think that skydiving, climbing a huge mountain, traveling around the world in 80 days, trying to figure out time travel, being stuck on a magical island running for my life away from mysterious people that I would call "The Others" -- (ok, maybe not that one so much) -- would be so fun! But then I get real for a microsecond and say to myself, "Please Katie, you wouldn't do any of that if someone paid you a bazillion dollars!" It's just not my personality.

Why is it do you think, that people get scared of doing something incredible for once in their lives?  I know I get scared A LOT!  The craziest thing I've ever done was write my name in wet cement.  (I  thought I would get in serious trouble if I got caught. Baby steps...)  Who cares what other people think?  Life is about living it to the fullest and making every single second count.  God wants us to enjoy this life (within His guidelines, which He clearly writes out for us in the Bible).  Yes, it can be scary, and no I have not grasped that concept yet.  But He does not want us to live in fear, or hold back all that we can do for this world because of that fear.  I once heard of a guy who hitchhiked from Tennessee to Colorado by himself.  What?!  I would never do that.  In fact, I know I would get lost, starve, and then die.  I know I would not enjoy that at all.  But that was his adventure, and he glorified God throughout the whole thing.  He made memories that would last forever. 

I dare you to live your life to the fullest.  God does not want us to live in fear, but to live for Him and do wonderful things in His name.  You can do crazy fun things and still proclaim the Gospel of Christ to those who need to hear it.  Look at Tim Tebow.  He is the ultimate example.  He pursued his dream, achieved it and now continually gives all the glory to the Lord.  Think about how many people he has impacted because of not being afraid and constantly being on an adventure.  Now don't get all crazy on me, but learn to live a little outside your comfort zone.  I need to.  Who knows, maybe I'll finally grasp this concept and my adventure will be achieving my little girl dream of impacting the world by being a part of Disney's creative team!  (Hey, a girl can dream...)

Tell me about your crazy adventures, either that you had, or that you would like to do.  Life is short.  Go for your dreams and don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it.  You can do all things through Christ you strengthens you!